The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires: N.O.

The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix
Genres: Fantasy, Horror, Mystery/Thriller, Paranormal
Pages: 404
Goodreads

Fried Green Tomatoes and Steel Magnolias meet Dracula in this Southern-flavored supernatural thriller set in the '90s about a women's book club that must protect its suburban community from a mysterious and handsome stranger who turns out to be a blood-sucking fiend.

Patricia Campbell had always planned for a big life, but after giving up her career as a nurse to marry an ambitious doctor and become a mother, Patricia's life has never felt smaller. The days are long, her kids are ungrateful, her husband is distant, and her to-do list is never really done. The one thing she has to look forward to is her book club, a group of Charleston mothers united only by their love for true-crime and suspenseful fiction. In these meetings, they're more likely to discuss the FBI's recent siege of Waco as much as the ups and downs of marriage and motherhood.

But when an artistic and sensitive stranger moves into the neighborhood, the book club's meetings turn into speculation about the newcomer. Patricia is initially attracted to him, but when some local children go missing, she starts to suspect the newcomer is involved. She begins her own investigation, assuming that he's a Jeffrey Dahmer or Ted Bundy. What she uncovers is far more terrifying, and soon she—and her book club—are the only people standing between the monster they've invited into their homes and their unsuspecting community.

♥♥♥

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What the fuck did I just read? Y’all, this book. The first half and the second half gave me wildly different feels. I’ll try my best with this review but don’t get your hopes up.

The first half was a great start. A bunch of housewives reading books about serial killers and murder have some funny banter and great friendships (well, most of them anyway). Then, a mysterious man moves into the neighborhood and shit gets real fuckin’ weird.

* It was at this point in the review that I stared at the blank screen not knowing what the heck else to say *

First of all, this book apparently takes place in the 90’s – honestly, you could have fooled me. I 100% thought this took place in like the 50’s. I would only realize it wasn’t when vague pop culture references were made. Look, I’m a stay-at-home mom. I have traditional values when it comes to my marriage – we made the decision for me to stay home and him to go to work. I take care of the home completely and I take pride in that. Caring for your home and family is not something that should be shameful, it’s just as important as going to work and women have the right to make that choice. But this book made housewives seem like they are subservient to their husbands and, basically, helpless. The sexism in this was just…loud.

But, fine, I can get past that. What I couldn’t get past, and what really overshadowed anything else good or bad about this book is (possible spoilers ahead)…

(cw: sexual abuse)
The way the vampire feeds is weird AF, but that’s not what bothered me, what made this book take a sharp downturn for me was the fact that he fed on children and it was described as, what is essentially, child sexual abuse and grooming. While the teen girl wasn’t actually being sexually assaulted, the way in which the vampire feeds is described sexually – they were naked (or mostly) and she was in a state of euphoria during it. Then, there is a scene in which a woman was actually sexually assaulted (and the aftermath descriptions were very disturbing) which was left unaddressed. Literally, she told no one that mattered, then died.

What do I even add after that? Supposedly, there’s to be some satirical elements to this, but I guess I’m an old prude because there was nothing funny about any of it. This is a hard NO from me.